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Monday, December 16th, 2002

Subject:HOW DID I RATE UP?
Time:1:30 pm.
HERE'S MY ANSWERS ABOUT ME ON THIS...





*He must love Rancid. and other bands to my likeing'---NOT TOO MUCH
*he must have a love for music-----I DEFINATLY DO
*must love making music-----MORE THAN ANYTHING
*is phsyicaly fit- I need a guy to keep up with me---GETTING BETTER
*Doesnt smoke ciggarets-----I HATE THEM
*loves the beach-SOMETIMES
*tells me I am beutiful at least 3 times a day-----I STILL DO
*have him mean it!-I ALWAYS DID
*loves cats------YUP YUP
*loves theatre----HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MUCH, BUT SOME IS INTERESTING
*does no heavy drugs-------DRUGS SUCK
*thinks of marilyn as more than a just sex symbol.----SHE WAS VERY TALENTED
*gives me flower for no reason-----I'VE DONE THAT NUMEROUS TIMES
*loves kids-----YOU KNOW THAT'S ME
*loves his momma- alot-----AGAIN, THAT'S ME
*likes my cat steve-o-----I LOVE STEVE-O
*has dark hair-----UMMM, IS MY HAIR DARK??
*values self expression---SELF EXPRESSION IS ONE OF THE FEW TRUE FREEDOMS WE HAVE LEFT
*has morals----I HAVE MORALS
*no psyco ex-girlfriends hanging around---NONE THAT I CAN SEE
*would wear pink if i asked him to.--UMMMM, NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ONE
*lets me pay for a date sometimes.---HAVE DONE THAT BEFORE
*has a good job---I HAVE A GOOD JOB
*doesnt work alot--OK, YOU GOT ME ON THAT ONE
*like and gets along well with my firends- but not too well- he cant ask my buddy to go to a strip club with him.--IF I KNEW IT WAS A BIG DEAL, I NEVER WOULD HAVE ASKED HER...
*has a future of somesort....college is a plus--I'M GOING BACK
*fairly mature- no jackass shit- jack ass rocks! i just dont want a guy to do that crap.---YOU GOT ME AGAIN, BUT I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
*understands why i love angelina jolie and Gwen Stefani--I UNDERSTAND
*is very creative--I'M VERY CREATIVE, ESPECIALLY IN MUSIC
*knows the difference between punk and emo....--THINK I DO
*write music about me (for good reasons)--I HAVE LOTS OF SONGS ABOUT YOU, THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
*has eyes I would get lost in.---IS THAT ME??
*has big lips---LOOK AT THESE LIPS
*would one day name a star after me--SOMETHING I THINK I WOULD DO
*makes most of the first moves (i hate doing that)--NO PROBLEM
*Likes to debate on political materal---SOMETIMES
*wears hats other than visors and base ball caps.--IF I HAD ANY
*is good in math---I'M ALRIGHT AT IT
*doesnt mind the fact that i suck a spelling--SPELLING IS OVERRATED
*doesnt obsess about other girls--NOT ME
*likes eating slushies in the winter--SLUSHIES ARE GOOD ANYTIME
*admits he likes the movies Greece and A walk to remember--DIDN'T LIKE GREASE, NEVER SEEN A WALK TO REMEMBER
*lets me paint his finger nails--DONE THAT BEFORE
*MAKES ME LAUGH--DO I???
*wants to fall in love---VERY MUCH SO....
Comments: Read 10 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, December 2nd, 2002

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:HOW DOES IT FEEL??
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, I'M BACK, JUST TO SAY A FEW THINGS TO A CERTAIN PERSON...WHAT DID I TELL YOU?? DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT HE WAS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT WOULD JUST USE YOU?? I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I? AND NOW YOUR WRITING HIM LETTERS ABOUT HOW BAD YOU MISS HIM HUH? IT REALLY SUCKS TO WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HAVE DOESEN'T IT?? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME THE OTHER NIGHT?? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, AND DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DO, THE ONLY REASON YOU CALLED ME WAS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO HANG OUT WITH, AND DON'T SAY IT'S NOT TRUE BECAUSE IT IS...WHEN DID YOU CALL ME WHEN THINGS WERE GOING GOOD?? BARELY EVER, BUT AS SOON AS HE THROWS YOU AWAY YOU CALL EVERY 10 MINS..SO HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL?? IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, AND YOU WONDER IF I HATE YOU?? GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO...I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU DO IS USE ME UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER...THAT'S WHY I WAS AVOIDING YOU...AND IN MY OPINION, IF YOU DO GO OUT WITH MIKE AGAIN THEN YOUR STUPID...HE DOESEN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE IS, HE'LL JUST SLEEP WITH YOU AND GET RID OF YOU, WELL, HE ALREADY GOT RID OF YOU, I KNOW THAT PART, MAYBE HE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD DECIDED IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU 2 TO DATE?? I GUESS THAT WAS BULLSHIT TOO...WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY...NOT THAT YOU CARE , BUT IF ANYTHING YOU THINK I SAID ISN'T TRUE, THEN I'LL BE HERE...IF YOU REALLY CARE, THEN PROVE IT...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 19th, 2002

Subject:GOODBYE
Time:11:43 am.
Mood: pissed off.
WELL, NOW THAT I FINALLY KNOW HOW IT IS, I THINK THIS IS MY TIME TO EXIT THIS PLACE...SO AS I GO, JUST A WORD OF ADVICE TO EVERYONE, DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING ANYONE EVERY TELLS YOU, BECAUSE IN THE END IT ALL ENDS UP ONE BIG LIE...SO, EVERYONE TAKE CARE...GOODBYE


I CRIED ALL THOSE TIMES OVER YOU
IT JUST DIDN'T SEEM FAIR
THEN YOU PROVED THAT YOU REALLY DON'T CARE
WORDS OF LIES AND MISTRUST
ALL TUMBLED DOWN TO BECOME THE END OF US
YOU MOVED ON SO WHY CAN'T I?
I KNOW I SHOULD, AND I CAN
AND I'M SO TIRED OF WONDERING WHY
THE HURT IS FADING AWAY
THE HATRED IS GROWING STRONG
I CAN'T HELP IT
YOUR LIES MADE IT THIS WAY
SO SHOULD I FEEL WRONG?????
ALONE AGAIN, WITH JUST THE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD
IT'S BAD, BUT SOMETIMES I WISH
I NEVER MET YOU INSTEAD
YOU LAY THERE WITH HIM
NEVER THINKING OF ME
I HATE THAT I CAN'T TELL
WHO YOUR TRYING TO BE
FUCK IT
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I SAY TO YOU
YOU STILL PUSH ME AWAY
AND PRETEND IT'S NOT TRUE
SO FUCK IT
I GIVE UP ON YOU, BECAUSE YOU GAVE UP ON ME
I DON'T WANT TO TRY
YOU DON'T CARE
SO WHY SHOULD I??
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, November 14th, 2002

Subject:-----MY TRUE FEELINGS TOWARD YOU----
Time:5:23 am.
Mood: lonely.
I GUESS THIS IS IT
I'M NOT WHO YOU WANTED
AND I KNOW NOW THAT I TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED...
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?
OR HAVE YOU MOVED ON?
IS THERE A NEW SPECIAL SOMEONE?
HAVE YOU TAKEN MY PICTURES OFF YOUR PURPLE WALLS?
OR FORGOTTEN THE TIMES WE KISSED IN THE HALL?
I'D BE LYING IF I SAID THAT I DON'T CARE
I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I DON'T MISS YOUR BEAUTIFUL STARE
I'D BE A LIAR IF I SAID I DON'T WANT YOU TO CALL
I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I DON'T MISS YOU AT ALL
BECAUSE I DO...


I TRY TO HIDE MY HURT FROM YOU...
I KNOW TO HATE YOU COULDN'T BE TRUE...
I TRY TO FILL MY EMPTY HEART...
EVEN THOUGH I LOVED YOU FROM THE START...
EVERY NIGHT I CLOSE MY EYES
AND TEARS ROLL DOWN MY CHEEKS
EVERY NIGHT WHEN I THINK OF YOU
I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP...


I STILL DO MISS THOSE BIG BLUE EYES
I HOPE THIS SONG DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW
I JUST HAD TO SHOW
I CAN'T HELP BUT TO CRY
MY TEARS HIT THIS PAGE
THE BLACK INK SMEARED TO A FADED GREY...


I HOPE THAT YOUR HAPPY
EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT
I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD
BUT I WONDER IF THIS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SAD
COME BY IF YOU WANT, I'LL BE THERE
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I'LL ALWAYS CARE
AND I ALSO HOPE THAT YOU'LL WANT TO BE HERE...


I TRY TO HIDE MY HURT FROM YOU...
I KNOW TO HATE YOU COULDN'T BE TRUE...
I TRY TO FILL MY EMPTY HEART...
EVEN THOUGH I LOVED YOU FROM THE START...
EVERY NIGHT I CLOSE MY EYES
AND TEARS ROLL DOWN MY CHEEKS
EVERY NIGHT WHEN I THINK OF YOU
I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP...
IT'S JUST THE WAY I FEEL...




I GUESS IT'S KIND OF DEPRESSING, BUT I HAD TO SAY IT....
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, November 10th, 2002

Subject:a cool day
Time:1:49 am.
WELL, TODAY WAS PRETTY COOL, I WOKE UP KINDA EARLY, WATCHED SOME COOL MOVIES, THEN KASI CAME OVER (I'M STILL NOT SURE) AND WE HUNG OUT FOR A WHILE...THEN I GOT READY TO GO TO THE CONCERT...I WENT TO SEE TAPROOT WITH MUDVAYNE WITH JON AND KYLE, THAT SHOW KICKED ASS...WE GOT THERE ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE THE SHOW AND IT WAS PACKED, BUT THEN I SAW SARAH SO I LET HER CUT IN FRONT OF ME SO SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO WAIT FOREVER...THEN WE WAITED, AND WAITED, AND WAITED...AND ME AND SARAH HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND GIRLS, AND IT FUCKS UP MY HEAD, AND HOW SHE CAN'T UNDERSTAND BOYS, AND IT FUCKS UP HER HEAD...KINDA FUNNY, IT WAS THE SAME PROBLEM, JUST DIFFERENT SEXES...BUT ANYWAYS AFTER WE WAITED FOR ABOUT 10 YRS IN LINE WE FINALLY GOT IN...TAPROOT KICKED ASS, I WAS ON THE FLOOR FOR A LITTLE WHILE BUT THEN I COULDN'T TAKE THE HEAT SO I WALKED OVER BY THE AMPS, LIKE RIGHT WHERE THE ENTRANCE TO THE BACKSTAGE WAS..IT WAS SO COOL BECAUSE THEIR SINGER STEVEN WAS WALKING AROUND IN THE CROWD WHILE HE WAS SINGING...AND IT WAS SO COOL BECAUSE NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNEW HE WAS DOING IT..AND WHEN HE WALKED BY ME I REACHED OUT TO SHAKE HIS HAND, AND HE KINDA GRABBED MY HAND AND PULLED ME TOWARD HIM AND GAVE ME A NON HOMOSEXUAL TYPE HUG...THAT WAS KINDA COOL BECAUSE I REALLY ADMIRE THAT BAND, AND I JUST WANTED TO SHAKE HIS HAND, AND HE HUGGED ME, AGAIN IT WASN'T A FULL ARMS WRAP AROUND HOMO HUG, IT WAS LIKE A ONE ARMED WHAT UP HOMIE HUG..AND THAT WAS KINDA COOL BECAUSE I REALLY ADMIRE THAT BAND...AND AFTER THEY WENT OFF WHEN I WAS WAITING FOR MUDVAYNE TO COME ON, TAPROOT'S BAS PLAYER PHIL WAS STANDING THERE BEHIND ONE OF THE AMPS AND I STARTED TALKING TO HIM FOR ABOUT 10 OR 15 MINS...IT WAS COOL BECAUSE I WAS THE ONLY ONE STANDING THERE, SO I WAS TALKIN WITH HIM (HE'S FUNNY AS HELL) TILL MUDVAYNE CAME ON...AND DAMN DID THEY KICK ASS, THEY RIPPED IT UP, HAD THE WHOLE PLACE GOING CRAZY...THEN SARAH FOUND ME, I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT SHE DID BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THERE, AND SHE WAS ALL WET BECAUSE ONE OF THE SECURITY GUARDS DUMPED WATER ON HER HEAD WHEN SHE ASKED HIM IF SHE COULD HAVE A DRINK, I FELT BAD FOR HER BUT IT WAS FUNNY..ANYWAYS, JON AND KYLE MADE THEIR WAY OVER BY ME ABOUT WHEN MUDVAYNE WAS ENDING THEIR SET...AND WE ALL MADE IT OUT IN ONE PIECE...ALL IN ALL IT WAS A KICK ASS SHOW...EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I'M DEAF NOW...WELL GOTTA RUN...
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, November 8th, 2002

Subject:SHOULD A PERSON EVER FEEL THIS WAY???
Time:11:53 am.
Alone I Break

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesen't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I'm ready
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be my own

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesen't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
Is there nothing more to come?
(Am I gonna leave this place?)
Is it always black in space?
Am I going take its place?
Am I going to win this race?
(Am I going to leave this race?)
I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?
(More to come)

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesen't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?


Could things ever be that bad for someone to feel like these lyrics?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:what a day...
Time:9:10 am.
Mood: exhausted.
Well, I just got home from work, it was damn cold out there last night...but I just slept in the truck for most of the night so it was cool...I pretty excited because tonight I get to meet HED (pe) and Nonpoint...so that's gonna be cool, and tomorrow I'm going to see Mudvayne and Taproot, so that'll be kick ass too...WELL I WAS WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL FROM SOMEONE YESTERDAY (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) BUT I NEVER GOT ONE, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?? TO BUSY WITH MIKE?? OR IS IT MATT?? HMMMMMMM.....THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Time:9:08 am.
koRn
how much do u like koRn??

brought to you by Quizilla
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 5th, 2002

Subject:SUMTIMES---THIS IS HOW I FEEL
Time:9:16 am.
Mood: crushed.
What I excel in best
Is my excessiveness
Of deprecation
I hate myself sometimes
How can I be down when all that I want is in my reach?
What's wrong with me?
Fuck it!!

Sumtimes I can feel so touch and go
Sumtimes I feel my self esteem is low
Sumtimes...at least I know sumtimes I'm beautiful
Beautiful

And if I wasn’t me
I’d still just laugh at me
And point the finger
And blame myself as well
I will not succumb to any of my peers
I’m in control
and I'm losing it
Fuck it!!

Sumtimes I can feel so touch and go
Sumtimes as my self esteem is low
Sumtimes…well at least I know sumtimes I’m beautiful
Beautiful
Sumtimes as my feelings coincide
Sumtimes while I struggle to survive
Sumtimes…well at least I know sumtimes I’ll be alright
Be alright...
Be alright...
Be alright...
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Sunday, November 3rd, 2002

Time:1:40 pm.
bored bored bored
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:11:35 am.
Mood: confused.
WELL, I'M NOT FEELING TO GOOD RIGHT NOW...I FOUND OUT SOMETHING I WISH I WOULDN'T HAVE ON FRIDAY NIGHT...I FOUND OUT THAT THE GIRL THAT I WAS WITH FOR TWO YEARS MESSED AROUND WITH SOME PUNK ASS KID LIKE RIGHT AFTER WE BROKE UP, OR WAS IT WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER?...NOW, THERE'S TWO DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE STORY, SO KASI IF U READ THIS THEN I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, JUST THE TRUTH, THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING...HER VERSION OF THE STORY WAS AFTER WE BROKE UP, SHE WAS OVER THERE AND HE KISSED HER FOR A FEW SECONDS...SHE SAID SHE KISSED HIM BECAUSE SHE WAS MAD AT ME FOR KISSING A GIRL, WHICH I DID DO, AFTER WE WERE BROKEN UP OF COURSE, AND I ADMITTED IT...IT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE, BUT THAT'S ALL IT WAS, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER SINCE, ANYWAYS SHE SAID THAT'S THE REASON SHE KISSED HIM BACK, AND THAT'S ALL SHE SAID HAPPENED...NOW THE OTHER VERSION OF THE STORY, I HEARD FROM SOMEONE VERY CLOSE TO HER, RELATED TO HER ACTUALLY...AND HE SAID THAT WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER SHE WOULD GO OVER THERE, WHICH SHE DID, AND GO INTO HIS ROOM WITH HIM, AND THERE WERE THINGS DONE, BUT I DIDN'T SEE IT SO IT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE...SO WHO IS THE LIAR?? I WANT TO BELIEVE HER, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN BECAUSE I ASKED HER A MILLION TIMES IF SHE DID ANYTHING WITH HIM, AND THE ANSWER WAS NO, EVERY TIME THE ANSWER WAS NO...BUT THEN WHEN I TOLD HER I TALKED TO HER COUSIN SHE ADMITTED HE KISSED HER...YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT WE WERE STILL CLOSE CLOSE FRIENDS, BUT NOW I'M NOT SURE, I'M NOT MAD THAT SHE KISSED HIM, AS LONG AS WE WERE APART. I'M UPSET BECAUSE SHE LIED TO ME SO MANY TIMES ABOUT IT, I MEAN, SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME THE TRUTH RIGHT?? I TOLD HER THE TRUTH WHEN SHE FOUND OUT I KISSED A GIRL. I DIDN'T LIE ABOUT IT ONCE. ALL I WANT IS HONESTY...I TALKED TO HER COUSIN AGAIN, AND HE TOLD ME EVERYTHING THAT THE KID TOLD HIM HE DID WITH HER, SO I WANT TO SEE IF IT'S TRUE...I WANT TO SEE IF SHE WILL ADMIT TO IT...JUST TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, IF YOU STILL WANT TO TALK TO ME. JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH, BUT I HAVE ONE QUESTION, SHE STOPPED TALKING TO HIM BECAUSE SHE SAID HE WAS A DICKHEAD BEFORE I KISSED THE GIRL, SO HOW COULD SHE HAVE KISSED HIM WHEN SHE FOUND OUT I KISSED A GIRL? SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...IF IT HAPPENED LIKE HER COUSIN SAID, THEN IT HAPPENED, NOTHING CAN CHANGE IT, IF IT HAPPENED LIKE SHE SAID, THEN THAT'S EVEN BETTER, BUT THE WAY IT LOOKS NOW IT SEEMS LIKE HER COUSIN IS TELLING ME EVERYTHING HE KNOWS TO BE TRUE...

KASI IF YOU READ THIS....ERIK TOLD ME WHAT KEVIN TOLD HIM YOU DID WITH HIM, SO TELL ME WHAT YOU DID BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE IF YOU OR HE IS LYING, AND JUST BE HONEST PLEASE, IF YOU DID WHAT I HEARD, JUST TELL ME...I JUST WANT TO KNOW...DON'T GET MAD BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW...YOU ASKED ME ALL KINDS OF QUESTIONS ABOUT THE GIRL I KISSED, AND I TRUTHFULLY ANSWERED ALL OF THEM...SO DO THE SAME FOR ME...WHAT HAPPENED WITH KEVIN? I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, AND I KNOW WHAT ERIK SAID, AND TO BE TRUTHFUL, I HOPE WHAT HE TOLD ME ISN'T TRUE, BUT IF IT IS I WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU..IF YOU WANT, EMAIL ME AND GIVE ME THE REAL STORY IF IT'S EASIER TO TYPE IT...OR YOU CAN CALL

DILLUTED721@AOL.COM
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, November 2nd, 2002

Subject:...BREATHE...
Time:2:24 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
JEALOUSY IS RAINING DOWN ON ME RIGHT NOW
AS THE THOUGHT OF YOU WITH HIM IS SETTING IN
BUT I'LL CONTINUE TO DO MY BEST
ALTHOUGH IT WAS SCARY
WONDERING IF THIS WILL BE
MY VERY FIRST TIME TO LOSE
AND NOT TO WIN
AND I'VE GOT NO BACK UP PLAN
BUT I'M NOT A QUITTER
NOT A QUITTER

I TRY TO SCREAM BUT I CAN'T BREATHE
CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?
I TRY TO DREAM BUT I CAN'T SLEEP
CAN ANYONE SHIELD ME?
I SHUT MY EYES AND HOLD MY CRIES TO MYSELF
MY BLESSING WAS YOU
BUT I WON'T QUIT
NEVER QUIT

CONFIDENCE IS COMING BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW
AS THE STRENGTH IN LEARNING YOU
IS COMING TO
ALTHOUGH IT WAS SCARY
WONDERING IF THIS WILL BE
MY VERY FIRST TIME TO WIN
AND NOT TO LOSE
CAUSE I'VE HAD NO BACK UP PLAN
BUT I'M NOT A QUITTER
NOT A QUITTER

I TRY TO SCREAM BUT I CAN'T BREATHE
CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?
I TRY TO DREAM BUT I CAN'T SLEEP
CAN ANYONE SHIELD ME?
I SHUT MY EYES AND HOLD MY CRIES TO MYSELF
MY BLESSING WAS YOU
BUT I WON'T QUIT
NEVER QUIT
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:FAULT
Time:2:09 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
WHY DID I LET YOU INSIDE MY LIFE?
HOW COULD I LET YOU INSIDE MY BODY MY SOUL MY BRAIN?
NOW I CAN'T MAKE IT GO AWAY
YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE AND INSIDE OUT
I CAN TELL IT'S MEANINGFUL AND SO HURTFUL
AND THERE'S NO PLACE JUST TO HIDE...

I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT THIS PAIN THAT I FEEL IS NOT JUST INSIDE OF MY MIND
I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT IT'S PHYSICAL AND PAINFUL TO BE SO VULNERABLE
THIS IS MY FAULT, THIS IS MY FAULT

HOW COULD I LIE TO MYSELF AGAIN?
THESE BAD DECISIONS ARE A NEVERENDING STORY
YOU THINK BY NOW I'D KNOW JUST HOW TO BOW, TO SMILE
YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE AND INSIDE OUT
BECAUSE IT'S MEANINGFUL AND SO HURTFUL
THERE'S NO PLACE JUST TO HIDE

I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT THIS PAIN THAT I FEEL IS NOT JUST INSIDE OF MY MIND
I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT IT'S PHYSICAL AND PAINFUL TO BE SO VULNERABLE

I CAN TELL YOU THIS PAIN WAS SO UNREAL
CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL ALL ALONE
I CAN TELL YOU TO LISTEN TO ME
WHEN I SAY TO YOU I KNOW THIS IS MY FAULT
I KNOW THIS IS MY FAULT...
I KNOW THIS IS MY FAULT...
I KNOW THIS IS MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT THIS PAIN THAT I FEEL IS NOT JUST INSIDE OF MY MIND
I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT IT'S PHYSICAL AND PAINFUL TO BE SO VULNERABLE

I CAN TELL YOU THIS PAIN WAS SO UNREAL
CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL ALL ALONE
I CAN TELL YOU TO LISTEN TO ME
WHEN I SAY TO YOU I KNOW THIS IS MY FAULT
Comments: Add Your Own.

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